Aging Parents--a love note to my siblings.

When parents get older as adult kids we are faced with many challenges.  If we have siblings we are sometimes blessed with the challenges of trying to figure out what is truly going on with our parent/s without invading our parent's privacy too much.  There is a relationship there between child and parent that is so strong and complex.  We as the children struggle with our own mortality when we look at our parents, who we could never think of as anything except strong and invincible, suddenly needing help, and know that our turn is coming quickly too.  There are so many emotions.

Sometimes siblings are not ready to deal with the harsh reality of a situation.  Sometimes they hide mask their own emotions under other ones.  Taking care of a parent means giving up a part of ourselves, realizing that as an adult, we really do need help, because the task is so much greater that we expect, even greater in some ways than taking care of children.  There is a demand for a great deal of patience, compromise, love and forgiveness.  In certain circumstances this working together can be an opportunity to grow together.  Hope in that should never fade.  It should help us learn more about each other, a coming full circle of sorts as we have a shared beginning and family values that were in common, and now we can see how life has changed and altered some of that from our shared and separate experiences, and the different viewpoints.  Yes, there will be times of anger, resentment, and frustration.  We need to remember how much we mean to each other and hold onto our love which is bigger than that.  

To our parents:  work with us.  Don't hide important things.  Help us to make good decisions for you in the future.  That thing called the Advanced Directive that no one wanted to fill out...we're glad you did because we learned more about you and what is important to you.  These were conversations that no one wanted to have because no one likes to think of our own deaths, but they mean so much to us because otherwise we wouldn't have known the stories that you shared about your own experiences  with other family or friends.  We are ever grateful for that.  They have inspired so many more questions that we can't wait to ask about.  Thank you for sharing your lives with us even more intimately.  We love you.